#1 You frequently and accidentally call your dog sergeant.
#2 You did name your dog sergeant
#3 You refer to your parents as “His majesty”, and “Her Majesty”
#4 You were suspended from school for bringing a Super Soaker Keychain.
#5 Your best friend doesn’t even know your real name.
#6 You argue with your art teacher that “Real Tree Camo” is in the color wheel.
#7 Your scarecrow has a Monster X instead of a pitchfork to scare away crows
#8 Your arsenal consists of: XP 150, Monster X, CPS 2000, XP 150, CPS 10k, XP 150
#9 You think that the whole Vermin or Charley Army is after you, so you have a friend come over to spend the night… guarding the door to your room with their Monster XL.
#10 Your full title is longer than this paragraph, and includes words like “Vice Admiral, Commander, Field Marshal, Special Ops leader, or Lance Corporal”.
#11 You think that your friends are wrong when they say that you shouldn’t use Super Soakers for anti snow ball defense weapons in a snowball fight.
#12 Or you think that its perfect water gun weather outside when your friends are having a snowball fight.
#13 You court marshal anyone on your team for owning a gun from the soaker tag line.
#14 Any officer on your team wearing any color other than green, camo, or black are honorably discharged of their command, and is demoted to private.
#15 You ransom the enemy commander’s cat for all their super soakers.
#16 You actually tried to bribe the enemy commander’s cat into being a spy for your team.
#17 You’d shoot yourself in the head with your CPS 2000 rather than be taken by the enemy alive.
#18 You actually did shoot yourself in the head with your CPS 2000 rather than be taken by the enemy alive, only to find out that you can’t commit suicide with a CPS 2000.
#19 You want to get every soaker enthusiast in the world, and all move to Florida.
#20 You have a Water Balloon shelter in your back yard.
#21 Your parents (or spouse if you’re that old) came home one day only to find that you had built a Palisade around the house, and were putting up Monster XL batteries to ward off the evil soaker clans from Bora Bora.
#22 You think your Alphabet soup tells you were you can find good deals on Super Soakers.
#23 You patrol your neighborhood once every hour at night, and only get 2.5 hours of sleep.
#24 You believe that the XP Backfire and SC Triple Play are Satanic.
#25 You have a sign on the back of your Polaris Scrambler that says “Warning unattended children with Hydroblades will be sold as slaves”.